Mom Rage

Starred review from June 5, 2023
“Mothers are America’s care infrastructure, and it’s costing us emotionally,” according to this trenchant outing. Essayist Dubin, mother of a nine-year-old boy and five-year-old girl, suggests that mothers’ frustrations with child-rearing stem from feeling unable to meet the “impossible expectations of modern motherhood” and the “debilitating lack of support from within the family structure and societal systems.” The author decries the expectation that mothers should “always be mothering,” admitting that she made baby food purees for her two kids instead of buying jars from the store, and suggests the idea only serves to justify the gendered distribution of domestic labor. Sharp analysis illuminates how such policy failures as America’s lack of universal preschool and paid family leave contribute to mothers’ suffering, and her proposed solutions include a more equal division of household labor between partners and developing a “multigenerational support network” of friends, neighbors, and extended family. The author’s candid appraisal of her own rage (she discusses having to mentally repeat “don’t touch him” to stop herself from roughly handling her son while angry) and her penetrating insights make for captivating reading. It’s an astute account of how society fails mothers.

June 1, 2023
A systemic analysis of why female-identified parents often feel "mom rage." Dubin begins by recalling how the publication of her essay on parenting-related anger in the New York Times changed her life. Her choice to "say the unsayable" spurred an unexpected barrage of responses from mothers who had also experienced exactly what she described. As a result of these messages, she writes, "I felt my own shame unhook. I began to move into a place of questioning." Dubin then began conducting extensive research, which uncovered the many reasons why mothers--a term that applies to "my fellow queers and my nonbinary and trans readers"--have every right to their mom rage, "an anger so hot it is blinding." Dubin begins with the American cultural idea that "motherhood is the best job a woman can have," and she points out that mothers must often sacrifice their health and identities to properly raise their children. She continues by critiquing a host of failures in American policy, including the lack of mandatory paternity leave, affordable child care, and preschool as well as the wage system that raises fathers' salaries while lowering those of mothers. She ends with a series of ways loved ones can support overworked, emotionally taxed mothers and recommendations for systemic change. At its best, this book is a cleareyed analysis of the intricate web of cultural and political challenges that make female-identified parenting nearly impossible. Occasionally, Dubin loses sight of this argument, focusing instead on individual responses that locate the problem in the parents rather than the systems that oppress them. Overall, though, the author writes with humor, vulnerability, and a level of expertise that shape her narrative into a nuanced and convincing argument for justice. A trenchant analysis of the ways in which society renders modern motherhood emotionally impossible.

COPYRIGHT(2023) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

August 1, 2023

Anger is a struggle for many parents, and this book is geared to fight the shame around discussing it and asking for help. Known as a leading feminist on so-called "mom rage," Dubin includes parents of all types, but she focuses mostly on mothers. The book explores behavior that is becoming more common, such as "mommy wine time" culture, vaping, and self-soothing with screens. The author examines the stresses faced by parents of children with disabilities, and she notes that her own child was diagnosed with sensory-processing disorder. Dubin also analyzes the emotional labor of parenting, noting that some approaches increase stress levels. The pandemic exacerbated factors already present for some, and economic and racial inequalities are often a final stressor. The book also delves into limited postpartum leave and workplace policies that discriminate against mothers in the United States. VERDICT Few issues are left untouched in this thought-provoking book on a hot topic that is seldom discussed.

Copyright 2023 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

August 1, 2023
Disturbed by the unexpected surges of anger she experienced after the birth of her first child, Dubin embarked on a mission to explore the anger she identifies as mom rage--to define it, explain it, and attempt to offer some solutions. She consulted an array of experts and interviewed 50 parents across a notably inclusive spectrum of circumstances and experiences to answer her central question: "What if mom rage were a widespread, cultural phenomenon, and not just a personal problem?" The result is an original, eye-opening look at the rage that can consume mothers who love their children but are at the same time overwhelmed, exhausted, confused and isolated. The author offers practical strategies for those dealing with rage while also making a case for the social changes necessary to support and care for parents. This book represents a voice that belongs in every parenting collection, both for the information it provides and the validation it offers to families who struggle with the challenges of raising children.

COPYRIGHT(2023) Booklist, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.